Love Bombing, Today’s Relationship Concerns

What the hell is love bombing?

I am absolute­ly in shock.  I heard this term on a show I was watch­ing yes­ter­day and imme­di­ate­ly it res­onat­ed in a few rela­tion­ships I have had over the years. I began to read, and research more about this very seri­ous con­cern that is hap­pen­ing to men and women who are pur­su­ing rela­tion­ships online, or offline. The results were shock­ing to me, and I was real­ly sur­prised a smart gal like me had­n’t paid atten­tion to some of the safe­ty issues hap­pen­ing. It has inspired me to write an arti­cle on it, and post it to as many of my friends as I can.

Love bomb­ing is a con­trol tech­nique ill inten­tion-ed peo­ple are using to start unhealthy rela­tion­ships. Love bomb­ing specif­i­cal­ly tar­gets com­mu­ni­ca­tion that new rela­tion­ships bring. A love bomber assess­es you, and decides whether he or she can con­trol you very quick­ly with very detailed manip­u­la­tion tools that will con­fuse you, and remove your abil­i­ty to see clear­ly. Things like:

• Extreme Texting
• Excessive hours on the phone
• Limitless flat­ter­ing
• Overwhelming gift­ing
• The “swept off your feet” feel­ing in a short amount of time
• Disorienting your emotions

At first, it’s very flat­ter­ing to have some­one give you so much atten­tion. A per­son who is pay­ing so much atten­tion to each and every detail about you who seem­ing­ly invests in your well-being, feels great! Sadly the truth is they are sim­ply mir­ror­ing you and man­ag­ing your needs by mim­ic­k­ing. They are pick­ing up on every­thing you like, so they can like it to. What is so con­cern­ing, and a red flag is that the per­son begins to declare that he or she is in love with you, you are soul mates in a mat­ter of weeks. They begin to plan a future with mov­ing in, wed­ding, and even per­haps future chil­dren. Love bomb­ing is all about strik­ing very fast, work­ing that very frag­ile angle of trust and falling in love at the begin­ning of a new rela­tion­ship to manip­u­late your mind and con­trol you.

We would be naive to think every­one we meet have great inten­tions for us. Unfortunately peo­ple do not always have our best in mind. Rather they are prey­ing on us,  assess­ing us, and our inabil­i­ty to see what’s com­ing because most of us are good folks. People who live nat­ur­al healthy lives, mixed with fam­i­ly, rela­tion­ships at work, care for our bod­ies aren’t won­der­ing when the next sociopath is com­ing their way. It’s extreme­ly impor­tant to man­age and under­stand your per­son­al safe­ty and who you are let­ting into your life. From what I can tell there is no pref­er­ence on whether a Love bomber is using the tools of online dat­ing, chat rooms vs. a Love bomber who is find­ing you face to face in life.

 

Please, please read, and look at some of the key red flag signs below;

 

1. Things move fast.
2. You are pam­pered with exces­sive com­pli­ments, and gifts
3. There is non­stop com­mu­ni­ca­tion (It’s a large amount of unhealthy tex­ting, phone calls, email chat­ting that inter­rupts you doing your dai­ly rou­tine, and life. You are giv­ing up time, great job per­for­mance, meals, kids, fam­i­ly out­ings to just be with your new person.)
4. There are imme­di­ate promis­es about the future.
5. Its iso­lat­ing, you bare­ly have time for your­self, only for your new per­son. They don’t want you to go out. They want you to themselves.
6. You don’t have time to eval­u­ate, you have been swept off your feet. In the thick of love, you aren’t eval­u­at­ing at all.

 

Once you are in this very fast, head over heels rela­tion­ship things begin to turn. Your new love switch­es gears and the hon­ey moon phase is quick­ly over. Pandering on our need to feel self-worth, and accept­ed they will begin to pick and flay away your self val­ue. They will start to crit­i­cize, pick, judge, and start argu­ments with you based on noth­ing at all. It will leave you con­fused, and hurt. You will begin to assess it as your fault, and try to please them. There is no pleas­ing them. They have laid out impos­si­ble expectations.

Because atten­tion, and affec­tion is their prime con­trol tools they will become angry if you attempt to build plans with oth­ers out­side of them. They get agi­tat­ed when you go out with friends, cowork­ers, or even fam­i­ly. The goal is to iso­late you from your reg­u­lar, and healthy life. There is a good chance you might be hit with an ulti­ma­tum or two when you are invit­ed out with­out your new love. “You either go with them, or me!”

There is no doubt, a Love bomber uses, and or finds peo­ple who have low self-esteem. They exploit folks to feel shame, regret, pain, and suck the joy out of their lives. They are absolute­ly emo­tion­al ter­ror­ists. It sad­ly is a reflec­tion of them­selves, and their own inse­cu­ri­ties. Healthy rela­tion­ships do not stand on emo­tion­al abuse of your part­ner, or tear­ing them down.

Last, Love bomb­ing is a cycle. Its inten­si­ty at the start, its fast manip­u­la­tion of atten­tion, exces­sive com­mu­ni­ca­tion, turns upside down into emo­tion­al­ly bat­tling. In a very short time, days, the rela­tion­ship goes up and down, up and down caus­ing dis­tress and upset. The Love bomber is often left, but that only makes the chal­lenge greater to them, as they try to win back your heart, using the same tech­niques. A lot of women and men report they go through many cycles with a Love bomber before final­ly break­ing free.

Heck, folks healthy rela­tion­ships take time, and trust. It’s not like the movies, or sit­coms you see on TV. Strong and healthy rela­tion­ships are built on sol­id foun­da­tions. Each brick takes time to lay, to get to know, to trust, to inspire, and final­ly to find strength in endur­ing love. Controlling peo­ple, using ulti­ma­tums, exces­sive expec­ta­tions to keep them in line are not char­ac­ter­is­tics of healthy love. Don’t set­tle folks.

I know per­son­al­ly we are all look­ing for that end game, We want to have that endur­ing love in our lives, but please do not sac­ri­fice your­self to a sociopath, or unhealthy peo­ple who would spend their time harm­ing or even break­ing your soul.

That has nev­er been love.

 

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