What the hell is love bombing?
I am absolutely in shock. I heard this term on a show I was watching yesterday and immediately it resonated in a few relationships I have had over the years. I began to read, and research more about this very serious concern that is happening to men and women who are pursuing relationships online, or offline. The results were shocking to me, and I was really surprised a smart gal like me hadn’t paid attention to some of the safety issues happening. It has inspired me to write an article on it, and post it to as many of my friends as I can.
Love bombing is a control technique ill intention-ed people are using to start unhealthy relationships. Love bombing specifically targets communication that new relationships bring. A love bomber assesses you, and decides whether he or she can control you very quickly with very detailed manipulation tools that will confuse you, and remove your ability to see clearly. Things like:
- Extreme Texting
- Excessive hours on the phone
- Limitless flattering
- Overwhelming gifting
- The “swept off your feet” feeling in a short amount of time
- Disorienting your emotions
At first, it’s very flattering to have someone give you so much attention. A person who is paying so much attention to each and every detail about you who seemingly invests in your well-being, feels great! Sadly the truth is they are simply mirroring you and managing your needs by mimicking. They are picking up on everything you like, so they can like it to. What is so concerning, and a red flag is that the person begins to declare that he or she is in love with you, you are soul mates in a matter of weeks. They begin to plan a future with moving in, wedding, and even perhaps future children. Love bombing is all about striking very fast, working that very fragile angle of trust and falling in love at the beginning of a new relationship to manipulate your mind and control you.
We would be naive to think everyone we meet have great intentions for us. Unfortunately people do not always have our best in mind. Rather they are preying on us, assessing us, and our inability to see what’s coming because most of us are good folks. People who live natural healthy lives, mixed with family, relationships at work, care for our bodies aren’t wondering when the next sociopath is coming their way. It’s extremely important to manage and understand your personal safety and who you are letting into your life. From what I can tell there is no preference on whether a Love bomber is using the tools of online dating, chat rooms vs. a Love bomber who is finding you face to face in life.
Please, please read, and look at some of the key red flag signs below;
- Things move fast.
- You are pampered with excessive compliments, and gifts
- There is nonstop communication (It’s a large amount of unhealthy texting, phone calls, email chatting that interrupts you doing your daily routine, and life. You are giving up time, great job performance, meals, kids, family outings to just be with your new person.)
- There are immediate promises about the future.
- Its isolating, you barely have time for yourself, only for your new person. They don’t want you to go out. They want you to themselves.
- You don’t have time to evaluate, you have been swept off your feet. In the thick of love, you aren’t evaluating at all.
Once you are in this very fast, head over heels relationship things begin to turn. Your new love switches gears and the honey moon phase is quickly over. Pandering on our need to feel self-worth, and accepted they will begin to pick and flay away your self value. They will start to criticize, pick, judge, and start arguments with you based on nothing at all. It will leave you confused, and hurt. You will begin to assess it as your fault, and try to please them. There is no pleasing them. They have laid out impossible expectations.
Because attention, and affection is their prime control tools they will become angry if you attempt to build plans with others outside of them. They get agitated when you go out with friends, coworkers, or even family. The goal is to isolate you from your regular, and healthy life. There is a good chance you might be hit with an ultimatum or two when you are invited out without your new love. “You either go with them, or me!”
There is no doubt, a Love bomber uses, and or finds people who have low self-esteem. They exploit folks to feel shame, regret, pain, and suck the joy out of their lives. They are absolutely emotional terrorists. It sadly is a reflection of themselves, and their own insecurities. Healthy relationships do not stand on emotional abuse of your partner, or tearing them down.
Last, Love bombing is a cycle. Its intensity at the start, its fast manipulation of attention, excessive communication, turns upside down into emotionally battling. In a very short time, days, the relationship goes up and down, up and down causing distress and upset. The Love bomber is often left, but that only makes the challenge greater to them, as they try to win back your heart, using the same techniques. A lot of women and men report they go through many cycles with a Love bomber before finally breaking free.
Heck, folks healthy relationships take time, and trust. It’s not like the movies, or sitcoms you see on TV. Strong and healthy relationships are built on solid foundations. Each brick takes time to lay, to get to know, to trust, to inspire, and finally to find strength in enduring love. Controlling people, using ultimatums, excessive expectations to keep them in line are not characteristics of healthy love. Don’t settle folks.
I know personally we are all looking for that end game, We want to have that enduring love in our lives, but please do not sacrifice yourself to a sociopath, or unhealthy people who would spend their time harming or even breaking your soul.
That has never been love.