Predators, Gas Lighters, Sociopaths, and Keys to Understanding How to Get out

Definitions we will need for this article

Gaslighting:

“Gaslighting is a mali­cious and hid­den form of men­tal and emo­tion­al abuse (link is exter­nal), designed to plant seeds of self-doubt and alter your per­cep­tion of real­i­ty. Like all abuse, it’s based on the need for pow­er, con­trol, or concealment.”

• Perpetrator often acts con­cerned, and kind to dis­pel suspicions
• Play vic­tim, when chal­lenged or questioned
• The manip­u­la­tor is often a nar­cis­sist, addict, or sociopath
• Persistent lying
• Uses infor­ma­tion in halves or pieces and embell­ish­es the truth (My friend sent me a mes­sage about this last night- It was real­ly them. People wrote me because they were afraid- When in fact again it was the gas lighter stalk­ing you, your Facebook, social media. They will use pre­tend fact to give them excuse to eval­u­ate you, but when caught look­ing will CLAIM you stalk them! They use the old turn around info on you, a very old manip­u­la­tion tool to feign fake con­trol over a situation)

Sociopath:

“The DSM‑5 states that the essen­tial fea­ture is their will­ing­ness to “dis­re­gard [or vio­late] the rights of oth­ers.” The DSM‑5 defines anti­so­cial per­son­al­i­ty dis­or­der as “[a] per­va­sive pat­tern of dis­re­gard for and vio­la­tion of the rights of oth­ers, occur­ring since age 15 years, as indi­cat­ed by three (or more) of the following:

• Failure to con­form to social norms with respect to law­ful behav­iors, as indi­cat­ed by repeat­ed­ly per­form­ing acts that are grounds for arrest.
• Deceitfulness, as indi­cat­ed by repeat­ed lying, use of alias­es, or con­ning oth­ers for per­son­al prof­it or pleasure.
• Impulsivity or fail­ure to plan.
• Irritability and aggres­sive­ness, as indi­cat­ed by repeat­ed phys­i­cal fights or assaults.
• Reckless dis­re­gard for safe­ty of self or others.
• Consistent irre­spon­si­bil­i­ty, as indi­cat­ed by repeat­ed fail­ure to sus­tain con­sis­tent work behav­ior or hon­or finan­cial obligations.
• Lack of remorse, as indi­cat­ed by being indif­fer­ent to or ratio­nal­iz­ing hav­ing hurt, mis­treat­ed, or stolen from another.”

Narcissist:

“A nar­cis­sist, by def­i­n­i­tion, is some­one with a per­va­sive pat­tern of grandios­i­ty, need for admi­ra­tion, and lack of empa­thy, whose symp­toms begin in ear­ly adulthood.”

• They have an exag­ger­at­ed sense of self-importance
• They believe they are special
• They require exces­sive admiration
• They have a sense of entitlement
• They lack empathy
• They are envi­ous of oth­ers, and believe oth­ers are envi­ous of them
• They behave in an arro­gant or haughty manner
• They are pre­oc­cu­pied with fan­tasies of suc­cess and the per­fect mate
• They take advan­tage of others

 

 

Emotional Predators:

“The vic­tims of emo­tion­al preda­tors are gen­er­al­ly char­ac­ter­ized by their kind­ness, hon­esty, gen­eros­i­ty, opti­mism, and spir­i­tu­al strength. They are the peo­ple who show qual­i­ties that emo­tion­al preda­tors want and envy, char­ac­ter­is­tics that they don’t actu­al­ly have.”

• They are entitled
• They fake emotion
• They must be in control
• They can not empathize
• They are personable
• They act as a victim
• They are nev­er wrong
• They have low self worth

 

 

 

It wasn’t until recent­ly that I need­ed to start to inves­ti­gate this phe­nom­e­non. It came from a few things in my life, the fun of dat­ing in todays time’s and of course my expe­ri­ences on an online chat venue.

(Thank you Asmodeus for real­ly set­ting my curi­ous mind on this very grave sit­u­a­tion, and the type of peo­ple that Personality Disorder Predators are.)

I want to share with all of you out there some very dif­fi­cult signs to watch for, and some tips to move on. Its very impor­tant to stay safe on venues online, and of course in real­i­ty. Remember this very impor­tant rule below:

 

DO NOT SHARE your real­i­ty on boards online. Your hus­band, wife, part­ners, kids, and the like do NOT need to be part of your per­son­al pro­files. You have absolute­ly noth­ing to prove. Do not allow bul­lies to push you to “prove” your valid­i­ty. Your per­son­al friends earn your trust, earn the right to be part of your real life. Always think crit­i­cal­ly, not emo­tion­al­ly. If you are in adult areas, minors do not need to be post­ed. You open your­self to creeps skunk­ing those pic­tures and what­ev­er else they do. Kids sad­ly have no con­trol over their envi­ron­ment, we are their stew­ards. Its not about us, its about the pro­tec­tion of them, what is best for them. SO, in your zeal to be trans­par­ent, don’t put minors in adult areas. You open your­self to issues.

 

Let’s talk about Predators.

• Their kicks are found in emo­tion­al currency
• Vulnerability, Authenticity, Secrets, Information, Disagreements with oth­ers. (When they get you to open to them, they assess and look for weak spots. Be care­ful they are metic­u­lous, and often keep files of your con­ver­sa­tions, and pictures.)
• They seem won­der­ful, able, lis­ten­ing. The point is to get as much out of their tar­gets as pos­si­ble. In fact, it is almost over done. Your gut is tin­gling, but you ignore it, think­ing this per­son is sincere.
• They woo peo­ple with their seem­ing­ly down to earth mat­ter of fact, call it as they see it manner.
• They seem genuine
• The lure is that feel­ing of being in the inner cir­cle of trust, mak­ing you feel impor­tant, and special.
• They will open, share chal­lenges they too have had with the same issues you speak on, they absolute­ly expect the same emo­tion­al­ly cur­ren­cy in return.

 

The preda­tor wants and needs for con­trol. They need to manip­u­late and find covert ways to main­tain you. There are sev­er­al ways to do this. Excessive con­tact is one of the mark­ers they use. Many folks don’t even real­ize that the con­tact is exces­sive. You can become depen­dant on their praise, espe­cial­ly if you are work­ing through an alter­na­tive lifestyle. Text mes­sages, voice­mails, calls, and emails on an hourly basis in the ear­ly start of a rela­tion­ship is sim­ply not nor­mal. This is a flag.  It is sim­ply not nor­mal for some­one to be in con­tact with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. No one has the time for this type of unwar­rant­ed attachment.

The preda­tor uses this kind of con­tact to check in on you and see what you are up to. They want to hook you. They want to use emo­tion­al black­mail, emo­tion­al cur­ren­cy to put you on a pedestal, and the pay­ment is mir­ror­ing that same emo­tion back to them, imme­di­ate­ly. Remember if you are famil­iar with nar­cis­sist behav­ior there is a cycle they work through.

• Idealization
• Devaluation
• Discard

 

A preda­tor does not under­stand healthy bound­aries. Their respons­es to rejec­tion or bound­aries in your rela­tion­ship are usu­al­ly con­sid­er­able upset if you do not respond to them imme­di­ate­ly. They won’t wait for your respons­es and will per­sist and pur­sue you with an unhealthy amount of atten­tion. These preda­tors reveal a sense of enti­tle­ment to your time and pres­ence with­out regard­ing your own per­son­al pref­er­ence. Sadly, these preda­tors step over bound­aries. They will con­tin­ue to pester, despite know­ing you said no. A per­son like this does not respect your right to make your own choic­es based on your own values.

 

Of course, this over­step­ping often leads to phys­i­cal aggres­sion. It may not come out for months in the rela­tion­ship, but it will present. Grabbing you to harsh­ly, push­ing you, vio­lat­ing your per­son­al bound­aries in any­way, pres­sur­ing you for sex, touch­ing you with­out your con­sent, are all signs things will only get worse in the future. I remem­ber a sto­ry about a guy who punched a woman he was involved with in the face. I can’t remem­ber if he broke her nose, but he did dam­age her face bad­ly. Because this cou­ple were part of an alter­na­tive lifestyle he used his manip­u­la­tion tools to state he had every right to dis­ci­pline his prop­er­ty. My thoughts on this mat­ter were very sim­ple; What kind of man, who claims he is a leader, a man who mas­tered him­self, doing punch­ing a woman in the face? Later the woman had to have the local police come in to remove him. He threw him­self in front of her truck to pre­tend she hurt him, he had numer­ous crim­i­nal issues, and last his 19 chil­dren were nev­er cared or looked after by his hand. How many wives or girl friends that allowed this preda­tor into their homes had to pay the ulti­mate price of rais­ing minors on their own. He had no remorse, none. Remember the preda­tor usu­al­ly blames the vic­tim for mak­ing him hit or mak­ing him loose his tem­per. It is nev­er his fault, nev­er his problem.

The preda­tor mis­treats oth­ers. Even while prais­ing you and putting you above on your pedestal his or her behav­ior towards oth­ers is cer­tain­ly a red flag. He or she gets exces­sive­ly angry if anoth­er per­son talks, or flirts with you. They call all their ex’s psy­chopaths and use exple­tives about their annoy­ing cowork­ers. They have tox­ic tem­per issues, and rarely have a sol­id group of friends, or fam­i­ly around them. Its every­one else’s fault, and real­ly pay atten­tion to his anti­so­cial behav­ior. He has no friends, no fam­i­ly, no foun­da­tion. Most like­ly has a crim­i­nal record or has run into trou­ble with the law.

The preda­tor recre­ates events, and sto­ries. While the events hap­pened the details the preda­tor reveals are a skewed ver­sion and mixed togeth­er with grandiose tales that make oth­ers lis­ten­ing fear folks they are speak­ing about. Its exces­sive, over and over. They report, and con­sis­tent­ly attack folks using these recre­at­ed sto­ries. It is the only way they can take back con­trol, pre­serve their self image and ego. Often their ver­sion makes them look supe­ri­or, or saint­ly and they evoke fear. This manip­u­la­tive tool intim­i­dates oth­ers into doing what the preda­tor wants.

Folks take back your life from these preda­tors. The last thing they want for you is that you live a healthy, full life. This is your answer and solu­tion. Your best defense against folks of these natures is to live your life, don’t look back at them when you break away ever and be healthy.

IF YOU CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE GET HELP with­in your com­mu­ni­ty, be it a coun­cil­lor, or social help. Get Help gang. You don’t deserve to be alone in this.

 

 

TIPS AND TOOLS

• 90% rule — Their BEHAVIOR
• Stay focused on their behav­ior, ignore their words
• Pay atten­tion to extreme behavior
• Ask your­self, Would I ever do that?
• Predators cov­er up their behav­ior with I was tired, under stress, She/​he made me do it
• They are always blame­less, and rarely apologize
• Get a strong sup­port sys­tem in place
• Seek coun­selling to deal with the preda­tor if you can
• You can’t change someone
• Remain defi­ant
• A gas lighter, preda­tor will nev­er see your points, or accept responsibility
• Let go of the wish for things to be different
• Develop healthy detachment
• Don’t try to be friends, Clean break
• Allow your­self to be treat­ed how you deserve to be treated
• Take back con­trol in your life
• Use it as a learn­ing experience

 

Here are the links, and quotes I used in var­i­ous parts of my article.

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/beware-of-the-emotional-predator-dg/

https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/2014/08/29/dating-emotional-predators-signs-to-look-out-for/

https://www.prevention.com/health/mental-health/g19876574/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms/

https://steptohealth.com/emotional-predators-avoid/

 

 

All rights reserved, Copyright NG 2018

If you want to use my work on a website, or otherwise please ask me, I am a writer and expect the courtesy of granting permission to those who ask me. Do not steal my work

 

 

 

 

 

 

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