I have been asked so many times over the years while mentoring and teaching women about Gorean ethos, “What does it take to be free?” My answer to this deep and complicated question is, “What do you think it takes?” Though I don’t actively teach or mentor for personal reasons, I find writing about these important issues to be my best medium to share. I can tell you what it took for me, and how I proceeded live, but what I did through my life might not work for your life. I can share my thoughts and my feelings on my freedom. I can talk about how I endeavor to maintain my rights as a person of freedom, but what will that all mean to you? What does it mean to live in the arts of being a woman, and how is it relevant to understanding the values, and ethos of a free woman? Can you aspire to freedom, or do you abandon freedom to surrender? You see, both are valid choices for women, but both choices can’t be combined. Its one, or the other. Lets start at the core.
The core of a woman must be defined by the woman herself. It is in our best interest to undertake the deep understanding of ourselves. In learning about who and what we are first, we are able to give of ourselves to relationships, and find partners that share our very core foundations. The best relationships share same destinations, same parallels, like minds and shared passions. It is unfortunate that some women create themselves to be whatever a man wants, rather than to discover who they are, and if they are even compatible with the men they desire. Make no mistake there must be a compatibility between men and women for a lasting result. Therefore, in order to understand your freedom as a Gorean woman you must first understand who and what you are. Your first question to yourself should be as simple as, Who are you?
“To say ‘I love you’ one must first be able to say the ‘I.’ ” – Ayn Rand
As a woman where does your passion lay. Are you happiest curled around the feet of a man, serving only him, his needs, his whims, trusting him completely, letting go of your inhibitions to his control. Laying aside yourself as a person, and keying in on his needs, alone. You are not permitted to judge the free, you are property, owned. You are not on the same ground as free women, in fact you are beneath them. You are after all, a surrendered woman. Ask yourself, Are you physically capable of performing the tasks, the requirements, the humility of surrendering to your knees at his feet, and maintaining perfect obedience, and absolute beauty? Are you prepared to remove the word, No, from your vocabulary?
“What does a slave girl want more than anything? To please men. What are you? I am a slave girl. What do you want more than anything? To please men.”
Perhaps you prefer to work beside him, rather than kneeling to him. Though you continue to serve his needs, there is a fluidity to sharing things in a different way, there is something freeing about his arms around you, he talks to you about his worries, and you work together to tackle the world. You both are highly engaged in being a large part of the world, and community around you. You take being a citizen extremely seriously, as well as all the rights of being a free citizen. As a woman of freedom it is humbly honoring to walk in elegance, as a lady of class beside him with your hand clasped in his. There is deference, but there is a respect of like minds and intelligence shared. You aren’t owned property, but you are his in every way possible. You have the word, No, in your vocabulary. You are spirited, fiery, and have opinions. As a free woman, you judge.
“A free woman is inordinately precious. She is a thousand times, and more, above a mere slave.”
“For example, there is no higher person, nor one more respected, than the Gorean free woman.“
Elegance is the only beauty that never fades. Audrey Hepburn
The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before. Albert Einstein
It our right and a personal gift to ourselves as women to discover what we intend with our lives, and how we will live those intentions through our days. There is no one right choice between freedom, and surrendered. It is personal, it is something only we as women can ask of ourselves and what best suits who we are, and our nature. You can’t be forced to surrender on your knees without consent. You are unable to loose freedom by force. Our humanity, and laws in today’s times say you are worthy to be counted as a person. This decision to surrender is yours, and yours alone.
Once a woman begins to discover her path she grows into something else. Something confident, beautiful, and settled. There is no denying the effects on a person who has found their deepest passions, needs fulfilled. Be it a job, a romance, a spouse, your deepest love. There is a calmness, a serene air about people who have found their core, and live life following their best self.
“But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully.”
― Kahlil Gibran, Le Prophète
Understanding the definition of being a free woman, and then living the life of a free woman is more than part of Norman’s ethos. Balance must have two sides, freedom, and surrendered. If we are to subscribe to his Psychology that we exist in a natural order of biology therefore we must submit to the fact that both types of women must exist to achieve balance. Freedom for women within the Gorean ethos provides the highest of respect afforded to females. Property on the other hand is not accorded such things. Property can only ever become that which an owner allows them. They can not hold morality, or citizenship for they no longer have the freedom to decide what is or isn’t best for them. Many have believed that Norman placed free women as placeholders for kajira, however this is not the case. Given the fictional population he used to determine the amount of slaves within Gor is a template that shows his value of free women were the normal, the everyday rustics, the companions to these men of strength, and their worth. Slavery was rare, only 2, 3 % of women were surrendered to slavery. Of course outside Normans fiction, women can surrender only by consent, not force. Goreans are not interested in such fetish, or kink inspired play. Goreans focus on vows, and promises between consenting mature adults, aware of their responsibilities, and core moralities.
There are three principals that help to define a Gorean free woman. The three principals are “modesty, respect, and courtesy”. Her qualities demonstrate honor, elegance, commitment, and consistency. In her consistency, she does not waiver between surrender and free, over and over. She makes her choice once, she is free once, and never puts herself in a surrendered position ever. The loss of her freedom would be the death of her.
As a free woman, her empathy and ability to be an emotional bridge is becoming, and often hidden from outside eyes. Unlike owned property she is given privacy. She is given control over her very thoughts. She may be considered frigid, but the warmth of her gender and natural love between her companion and herself is what secrets are made of. He holds her secrets, her thoughts. It is certainly fiction that a free woman is sexually incapable. She is simply uninterested in sharing her intimacies with anyone other than her companion. Surrendered women should tread carefully with their loose stories, and judgmental behavior in trying to reduce women of freedom to surrender. Those games of property are best served in cages, not in elegance where free women stand.
There will always be an art to being a woman, especially a free woman. Perhaps its time to simply talk about that gift and allow other women to make a choice and listen to their nature. To find within them their truth, be it chained and mere property at the feet of men, or beside those same men, always steadfast navigating with their compass securely in hand, in freedom.
Nyre
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